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The Gnomz Roast of Entropic Catalyst

by grouchobeer

110 pts / 11 Votes - 13 comments


	Please. Be seated. Welcome to the First Gnomz Roast. I'm grouchobeer, and I'll be your Roastmaster-Gene ral for the evening. Before we begin, let me just say one thing. Flint's Pants. We are gathered here tonight to honor Entropic_Catalys t. Why? Oh, yeah, doctorwho got banned. I feel his presence here tonight, though. No wait, that's one of his six thousand alts. What a dais we've managed to throw together at the last moment for tonight's roast. I haven't seen this much comic writing talent in one room since Jim Davis dined alone. And it's STILL more than you deserve, Entropic. Getting all these people together has been like herding cats. And I say that because most of them are pussies. It's not easy finding a dozen people who have nothing else to do on a weekend night. I'm married, what are your excuses? heartagram_666 is here tonight. You're getting so fat they're going to change your name to "cardiogram". sir_sweet is here tonight. He thinks he's my brother. It could be true. My dad did a lot of tomcatting down in the barrio. Some of you may know that I have gotten a few nice notes from Miriam Marx, Groucho's daughter, about my Groucho comics. insertnamehere has done a lot of Harpo Marx comics, and today he got a letter from Harpo's daughter, Minnie Marx Eagle. I know this because before the roast, insert came up to me and said, "What does she mean by 'Cease and Desist'?" vaderdk421 is here tonight. vader waxes nostalgic for the seventies. In the seventies, we had the most unpopular President in history, a Republican who was carrying on an unwinnable Asian land war and had a felon for veep. Wait, this IS the fucking 70's. Rednecks_2_Rox is here tonight. Gee, I hope she talks about Deidara and anime. That is shit is so fuckin' fascinating..... ............ SNNNNNNKKXXXXXXX . Ooh, sorry, dozed off there for a minute. Any calls for me while I was out? cheguevara is here tonight. che loves movies, but he has trouble getting into some of them because in England, movies are age-restricted, and he looks young for his age. And it's kinda pathetic, cause he's actually 56. He has what doctors call "reverse progeria". They found the fountain of youth, and it was in che's pants. MDickson20 is here tonight. At his school, MDickson is known as "the smart Dickson boy". That's sort of like saying Shemp was the "handsomest Howard brother". Allegria is here tonight. She wasn't invited, but somebody left a second story window unlocked, and she broke in. MadHatterJ is here tonight. He's really obsessed with "Alice". Me too, especially when Flo says, "Kiss my grits." Man, that cracks me up. boinky33 is here tonight. boinky just signed a big deal with The Cartoon Network. He buys eleven months, and the twelfth month is FREE. But the Man of the Hour is Entropic_Catalys t. (APPLAUSE) Hey, I appreciate your putting on a suit. I know you've worked hard to cultivate a look. Unfortunately, it's Blackbeard's look. That's the second longest beard I've ever seen. The longest is Praada, laying down. Which she usually is. Praada, like a lot of people, met her future spouse at work. Unlike a lot of people, however, Praada was working at the time in a mental institution. A lot of people think Entropic is unpatriotic. Not true. He's done a lot for the United States of America. He left. He's coming back, though, by popular demand. Of the people in Germany. It seems in a land of legalized brothels, the Baader-Meinhof gang, and a man who ate his own cock for supper, Entropic was considered "a little off". He's going back to his home state of Taxachussets. Most Bay Staters are so far to the left, they consider Entropic to be a Whig. But Entropic has a lot in common with my favorite cartoonist. Both are American expatriates, living in Europe. Both like big girls. And both are Crumbs. Gee, you think he'll have any trouble going thru airport security? This guy's got more knives than Harpo Marx in "Animal Crackers". All seriousness aside, what do you call a guy who holds virtual parties for twelve-year-olds , plies them with virtual liquor, and gives them links to real porn? I call him "Michael Jackson". Entropic loves his porn, boy. I don't want to say he has a lot, but Robert Mapplethorpe once called him a pervert. Larry Flynt once took a shot at him. Pete Townsend saw his hard drive and said, "Research, my ass." Entropic wanks in front of his computer so much, the screen has windshield wipers. He's downloaded so much porn, his computer became a stripper. His computer became a stripper. Is this thing on? Now it's time to bring up our first presenter of the evening. She is Gnomz' answer to Dorothy Parker. The answer is "No." Please welcome ALLEGRIA!


	When I first met Entropic, I had sneaking suspicions he was a teenage girl. We got along because I thought we had something in common, and he thought I was a teenage girl. But that impression was shattered when he and doctorwho started going out. Oh, pardon me, I meant going at it. And by "going at it" I meant fighting. Or so some would say. And then he became an admin. Entropic did a complete 360, rather like a Catholic priest. To my surprise, doctorwho was banned, and nine-year old boys were no longer treated with the same warmth they once recieved. But no one can claim that Entropic isn't full of surprises. Especially that wife he reputedly has. Poor thing. In fact, any day now I expect to hear of how he tried to commit some act of bioterrorism in the name of anarchy and whatever cult/"family" he's joined this week. Don't let us down.


	My next guest has done so many "Bob the Muffin" comics his girlfriend developed a yeast infection. I'm kidding. He has no girlfriend. And now, permanently disproving the old adage, "Better Late Than Never", here's MDickson20.


	Sup, bitches! Sorry I'm late. Entropic's mom is one hard chick to satisfy. I didn't get to think up jokes for everyone, sadly enough. I thought not writing them seemed easier. The summer makes everyone lazier and hungrier. Speaking of hunger, I see heartagram over there. You know heartagram is pretty famous. He was in a movie once. Has anyone seen the Star Wars series. I remember this one part where heart was talking to Han Solo in a desert somewhere. Hey! There's good ole grouchobeer! He's living proof that there's a special someone out there for everyone. Even Al Gore. I see boinky33 over there in the corner. He's showing vaderdk his sweet spinning penis. I wonder what makes it twirl? Maybe that's just what happens when a bear fucks a walrus. Hey? Where's Allegria? Probably out back with vaderdk. I wonder what he sees in her anyway. I saw her Myspace picture the other day. Her face is the reason people invented paper bags. Waiter! Get me a scotch, on the rocks! Talking of drinking, where's Chocotof? Oh, he's moving to NYC? You Russian bastard, I know what you like to drink. You commies are all the same. Vodka. EXTRA plutonium. Rednecks! What's up, sister? What are you reading? Yaoi, again? I think I figured out why you like it so much. It's as close to getting fucked as you'll ever get. Away from your hand, of course. What was I doing again? Oh, yeah. Roasting Entropic_Catalys t. I was going back to read some of your old comics, to dig up some dirt. I found a bunch of shit that put Mark & Quagmire to shame. Oh, Flint's pants. I thought I should get that out of the way. Entropic has always been nice to me, so coming up with material was hard. Unlike with his mom, where it took five minutes. Entropy, don't make me get your mom to ground you. You'll be on your bed more than when Michael Jackson came to visit. BTW, I left you a present. Don't worry, it's not semen. That was boinky's present. You got a pregnancy test. You'll need it for your butt baby. Later!


	My next guest needs no introduction and in fact, deserves none. However he paid me five bucks to say some nice things to bring him up here. So-- puppies, sunshine, chocolate, big tits. Please welcome heartagram_666.


	Entropic Catalyst. Almost everyone on Gnomz knows who that is. He's made just over 100 comics and he thinks he's all that. "Ooh! Look at me! I'm soo cool! I'm an admin!" Let's compare Entropic Catalyst to Flint, shall we? Wow. That was too mean. Even for me. That reminds me. Flint's pants. Hehe. That was a fake laugh. But I guess Entropic knew that already, because his wife fakes things for him all the time. Oh. Burn. Anyways, Everyone knows that FuckMan is Entropic's alt. And we ALL know that Entropic is just obsessed about doctorwho. But ya know, Entropic is a great forum personality, he's got a beard comparable to Chuck Norris, and an evil and intricate plan to... it's so horrible I can't even say it.


	My next guest has read so much manga that she's turning Japanese. I really think so. Please welcome Rednecks_2_Rox.


	Recently I’ve noticed how strange Entropic_Catalys t has been acting. Yeah, I never acknowledged his insanity‘s existence, at first, but upon observation I noticed that he’s nothing more than a low-grade pedophile whose supposedly brilliant rape plans are actually quite poorly planned out. Or maybe he’s just bored and horny. Either way he’s going to get arrested for sodomizing young boys, so why choose? Get a monkey in a jumpsuit to point at one of the options. But that’s just one of his bad points. Thinking about what he writes about and trying to figure out what he thinks about is always hard. The first part because there’s no hidden messages beyond the loads of sex-related jokes that he puts up. I try to figure out what goes through his head because I think there’s something to find. Okay, I lied. There’s probably nothing up there but thoughts about strip-clubs and crack-whores. Oh, and men. Can’t forget that one. We all know about Entropic’s issues with being a pansexual. Yeah, we all know about it, it’s obvious, yet he still denies it. Perhaps we’ll believe him if he stops going boy-raping on Friday nights. It really gives away everything. And did I tell you that his supposed “wife̶ 1; is actually just fellow boy-rapist Michael Jackson? It’s amazing, isn’t it? He totally dumped Doctorwho for him. Dude, Michael Jackson must REALLY be one ugly bitch. And did I tell you that Entropic_Catalys t was impregnated by said child molester, as well? Did I tell you that he recently gave birth to a young Orochimaru? See, this is why he’s been craving little boys for the past year. I’m sure that his son’s going to grow into a great boy-raping serial killer. Thank you.


	My next guest is my argument for restricting immigration. Please welcome my little brother, sir_sweet.


	Entropic’ ;s latest comic was titled “America&# 8217;s Greatest Hero” with a picture of a dove in one panel. Ironically he’s Atheist… He claim’s he’s an anarchist. Truth is he couldn’t live without the Government. Welfare is the only reason he can afford to be here right now. It’s not like he has a job. He’d go on a rampage with his shot gun the first day after being caught masturbating in his cubicle to pictures of all of the children on Gnomz. That’s right Flint, he only protected you to get in your pants. Gigidy, gigidy? Oh but he has a wife! That’s just an alternate account. There’s only room for one pedophile that makes alternate accounts. That’s why Doctorwho was banned. Speaking of which, so was child porn. “Hint̶ 1; But listen I’m not going to pretend that I want to roast Entropic. I haven’t the cojones. But you’d like that wouldn’t you Entropic Have fun, you guys! And remember “If it has a beard longer than your arm It’s a hobo”


	They say a comic says funny things, while a comedian says things funny. That would make my next guest-- a student. Please welcome vaderdk421.


	You know, i thought for a long while about my joke, I tried to incorporate boinkys spinning penis, flint gayness, and Grouches love for testicles, but in the end, i knew that entropic would probably be to high to understand anything i wrote.


	When I decided to do this roast, it was a no-brainer to ask CheGuevara to be in it. In fact, he is a no-brainer. Please welcome CheGuevara.


	When I heard I was doing this, I went home and watched porn. I mean prepared my jokes. I mean watched porn. See what Entropic does to you? He corrupts the mind of our youth.He is the new doctorwho. Minus the screwing kids of course. But then again... I googled Entropic Catalyst yesterday to give me ideas for jokes about him. The results were either scientific, pornographic, or a very pleasing suggestion to cut my own penis off with broken glass. You'll find out why. And he watches so much porn, when he switches his computer on, the monitor asks him if he wants the usual, Fat Chicks Go wild and fuck loads of other fat chicks. And every Dude's Day, he cross-dresses. Or Is that every day? He's the Andy Dick of Gnomz. And about those virtual parties...gettin g kids virtually 'drunk', and having virtual date rape games.Who comes up with this ? Oh Yeah,I forgot. Michael Jackson. A very good friend of his actually. He had a short acting career. And when I say "short" I mean his time on Meatspin. He's quite a legend on gnomz. Hosted the Golden Gnomz, wrote that famous comic 'War Is Over'...didn't that contain porn too? He does all this and still manages to post about time travel conventions on Myspace. You can so tell he lives in Germany. What else are you gonna do round there? Its like the Germany Of modern civilisation. No wonder he's a fucking anarchist. Did you know Entropic once signed up for the Anarchist society? Meets every week in someone's basement. However, he got banned from it. He fucked the group leader's cat. When asked to justify this, he replied "Pussy's Pussy". Entropic once started writing jokes for a newspaper. He wrote a little series called 'Bring Your Own Tumbleweed'. He has quite the authority,howeve r. He comes down very hard. And I'm not just talking about the bondage him and doctorwho get up to. He has quite a strong opinion on spam. He buys boatloads of viagra. And even then its not enough to give doctorwho an erection. So In conclusion, I would just like to say that, Entropic Catalyst is an anarchistic, rebellious, insane, porn-watching, pot-smoking, mind-corrupting asshole. With a suit. Thats gotta mean something. Yep, It means "Will The Defendant please stand?" Thank you.


	My next guest is a mod Xenical and he makes sure that there is no spam Viagra on Gnomz phentermine cheap. Please welcome MadHatterJ Nigerian bank account.


	Thank you all, thank you. I always enjoy being plugged by groucho in between everything else nobody cares about. So we're here to honor a very good internet friend of mine, Entropic. We're incredible internet friends, you know. We even went internet camping once, and he ate all the internet danishes and backed up the internet built-in toilet of the internet RV. Of course I'm just kidding. Entropic is a rapist and I'd rather not be asleep with my ass unprotected anywhere around that man. Entropic, of course, is known for his heightened view of politics and ability to make very funny comics based off the same. I can tell you this having completely finished every single one I've ever voted on, entirely, without ever skipping to the bottom and putting a ten there because the only other humor I've ever been exposed to is Spongebob. Good to see Allegria here, as well. I know I, personally, have always wanted to bone a nine year old. In fact, I think it's obvious I am nine. Let's be nine together, since you're nine. Glad to see heartagram is here. That means he isn't in my bushes waiting for me to spit out a mento so he can glue it to his face. And rednecks! My lord, rednecks. We've shared had quite a few adventures, her and I. I should start giving the adventures spliced names, maybe a little redHatter, or MadNecks. You know, like that gay anime shit I never want to see. Speaking of gay anime shit, I'd like to offer my own personal greetings to sir sweet. Where would you be without all these stylized and well drawn custom avatars you've made? Oh, right. Outside. Mdickson is here as well. Seriously, I still don't know who the fuck you are. Make me a sandwich. Hello, as well, to vaderk. I continue to enjoy your comics I don't read. I read one of vaderk's comics once and started vomiting. Midichlorians. EVERYWHERE. Hello to CheGuevara! I actually have nothing interesting to say about CheGuevara, and while you may think I got lazy with material one could postulate he's just not that interesting. Come on, Che. You make two-ply toilet paper look like Harry Potter 7 does to an overweight fangirl with a Ron Weasley blow up doll. Also a joy to see InsertNameHere. He's so clever he didn't even need a proper way to identify him. Do you feel clever? I feel clever. INH has voted on almost every comic ever made within the first ten seconds of it being up. For the love of God, get off the internet and play with a ball. Better yet, get off the internet and play with a girl. Your votes smell like Purel and tears. And finally, boinky. I'd say something derogatory, but it's almost impossible while I try to look away from the massive black penis he wishes he had. In all seriousness, Entropic is pretty much the saint of gnomz. He's about the only guy who treats noobery with patience, and diligently posts to that advice thread, even though they'll never read it. Entropic, you the e-man, man. And I guess you other guys are pretty good too. Thanks for the good wasted times. Hatter out.


	Thank you to everyone who appeared at tonight's roast. Entropic told me to tell you you're all banned for life. And now here's the Man of the Hour-- a man who is to comedy what Rip Taylor is to nuclear medicine-- ENTROPIC_CATAL YST!


	TRUMPET FANFARE Thank you! Thank you! What can I say? This is the most fun I've ever had without getting blood on my cock. Like grouchobeer said, you're all banned for life. Don't worry, though, he meant HIS life, so the rest of you won't have long to wait. I've known grouchobeer since his stripcreator days. He used to call himself "CHUBBY." When he arrived on Gnomz, he decided to adopt a new name that would just as appropriately describe himself. Unfortunately, "pale irate fatass" had already been registered. By boinky33. You've got to love those shorts of his, though. No, not the funky unwashed fabric that barely covers his ass, I mean his films. Everyone who's anyone in the world of machinima film-making is talking about grouchobeer right now. Oh, wait... that conversation just ended. They both agreed that he sucks. Still, a big hand to him for managing to put this whole roast together in this metaBD. And what a relief that he didn't go with his original title idea: "You can't spell compound words without the root words from which they are derived." This has all been very exciting. When the roast was first announced, I warned everyone to show up early before heartagram_666 ate the whole thing himself. What a lineup tonight! What's the matter, were mwmt and doctorgoo otherwise engaged? Did Peano take a rain check? Too bad shoeguy couldn't make it. He must have lost his link to the English section. So I've been roasted by Allegria... and a bunch of people who DO have boobs. You know, Allegria's (allegedly) at that sweet young age when she should be out running a lemonade stand and making mud pies. But watch yourselves around this girl, everyone, cause that ain't lemonade and that ain't mud! You know what I'm talking about. She's a great writer, though. Have you seen that blog of hers? It's more colorful than the rainbow flag on the back of vaderdk421's pink tricycle. Did we lose a few people mid-roast or something? Why haven't we heard from insertnamehere? Couldn't he find another roast to plagiarize a few jokes from? He did say he might be running a little late, though. Seems he had an appointment earlier tonight in Dublin. With ajdomican. Too bad MDickson20 hasn't chimed in yet. We really needed someone entirely unfunny to derail the momentum of this thing. I guess we'll have to make do with Rednecks_2_Rox. Hey, what does the 20 in MDickson20 stand for, anyway? The number of "brothers" who log on to Gnomz just to vote for his comics? And where's boinky? How we manage to lose a guy that big I'll never know. Did he leave in disgust when he saw there was no free buffet? Or maybe heartagram ate him! I'm starting to hit below the belt here, right where most of you are used to being fondled by boinky. In boinky's case, hitting him below the belt means that I'm punching him right in the gut. Okay, time to lighten things up before anyone gets offended. How about a riddle? What do you call a Hispanic kid who pretends to be a white man with a Japanese fetish who wishes he was black? Around here we call him sir_sweet. Inspiring, isn't it? He's like a whole world all by himself. Big, round, and brown with green stuff growing all over him. Seriously though, I love sir_sweet. Every time I have $3.50 to spare. What a relief that college guy MadHatterJ was able to make it. He wasn't sure he'd have time to be here with us. Thanks for penciling us in between "not getting invited to parties" and "not getting laid," sport. Luckily, he was dragging his laptop around with him all night. By the hair. "Laptop" is, of course, his pet name for vaderdk421. Hatter isn't as bright as you might think, though. Every day he clicks on a new Chocolate Chunks only to be disappointed that it's not scat porn. The rest of us are just disappointed upon reading the punchline. Hatter's not the only one who's been busy. Our little social butterfly Mez had one of her virtual "dates" earlier with wwefan. Oops, I mean The_Acheiver. Oops, I mean sir_sweet. Oops, I mean every otaku weebo who's ever logged into a dojinshi yaoi chat room while wearing his 12 year old sister's soiled panties. Yeah, Rednecks_2_Rox wanted to become the new doctorwho, but it turns out she just isn't effeminate enough. Maybe what she needs is a few years of finishing school. Oh, who am I kidding? There's no chance she'll be finishing school. In case you can't tell, I'm doing my rebut on the fly, sort of like how vaderdk's always doing CheGuevara's butt while undoing Hatter's fly. Good job tonight, Che. Did you write all those jokes yourself like a big boy? Has everyone seen Che's pictures? Who's he trying to fool with the Cuban revolutionary nickname? Shouldn't someone styled after a terrorist be at least the slightest bit intimidating? This kid couldn't scare heartagram_666 by standing behind him at an ATM machine with shoe polish all over his face. Last I heard, the CIA was plotting to tickle him. His autobiography will be entitled 'The Big Wheel Diaries.' Then there's vaderdk421. Ooh, a name derived from Star Wars! How original! doctor_who must be jealous. Vader's comics are like flint's pants. Why the fuck ARE we pretending to laugh at them, anyway? No, no, I kid. Really, every time we see vader log on to Gnomz, we all get a warm feeling inside... like a fart during anilingus. Thank you all for taking valuable time away from ripping off Injokester's material to do this. It means as much to me as... oh, I've got to run. Family Guy just came on TV. Has it stopped being fun yet, or do I need to go on? What I'm really trying to say, in my own way, is that you people are awesome. Each and every one of you is another reason why I consider stripcreator my favorite website. Now if I could only find some place to trade you all in for cancer... This has been the best roast ever. As I often say to my little friends at the Neverland Ranch: Let's all do this again some time. Peace, my niggas.

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	Note :


	Sorry. I wasn't able to get on this weekend, but I can get on whenever I want now.
	13. 29.07.07 at 17:05 \|MDickson20


	So when do we release the uncensored version?
	12. 24.07.07 at 18:26 \|Entropic_Catalyst



	11. 24.07.07 at 01:38 \|grouchobeer


	Young Mr. Grace says, "You've all done very well!"
	10. 23.07.07 at 23:12 \|Entropic_Catalyst


	So cruel what a cruel horrible man man.
	9. 22.07.07 at 22:45 \|MadHatterJ


	Gay anime shit!
	8. 22.07.07 at 21:25 \|sir_sweet


	3. That's what she said. This turned out sweet for not being done yet.
	7. 21.07.07 at 18:00 \|heartagram_666


	Can I add one?
	6. 21.07.07 at 17:05 \|agent9


	Rednecks, Che..... I don't know what to say. That was gratuitously cruel and vicious. (*sniff) I'm so darn proud of both you crazy kids.....
	5. 21.07.07 at 15:25 \|grouchobeer


	I've added mine
	4. 21.07.07 at 11:31 \|CheGuevara


	Roasters-- please insert your new box in the appropriate place. So to speak.
	3. 21.07.07 at 05:08 \|grouchobeer


	Here's the running order: Allegria heartagram rednecks sir_sweet MDickson20 vaderdk421 Che insertnamehere Hatter? boinky33 Entropic_Catalyst for the rebuttal To recap the format: I will come out and make a few introductory remarks, then introduce the first speaker (Allegria). After Allegria is done, I will introduce the second speaker, and so forth.
	2. 21.07.07 at 02:29 \|grouchobeer


	I got this done a bit early, so I posted it. We'll extend until Sun. if need be to accommodate the time difference between Germany and the U.S. and A.
	1. 20.07.07 at 23:16 \|grouchobeer

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