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Caramel Portions: Who's the Boss?

by Entropic_Catalyst

301 pts / 39 Votes - 23 comments


	Ah, here I am on this nice French website. Maybe I'll try preaching some good old fashioned values to the French today.


	Bonjour, welcome to Gnomz. Please enjoy your stay.


	My God, a breast! A woman's breast! Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to cover up. That is vulgar and obscene, not to mention downright disgusting.


	Pardon moi, Monsieur, but this is my website. I'll thank you not to tell me how to run it.


	When you click "create a comic," you can see a message saying not to use vulgar material etc. I'm just playing by the rules.


	You uncultured imperialist fool! I have a divine right...


	You also have a pretty good le---


	Sorry to interrupt, folks, but doctorwho was about to steal yet another joke from grouchobeer, and I'm just not willing to allow that in this comic. I now return you to Caramel Portions, already in progress.


	...so the Irishman said: "That's okay, that wasn't really my pinky finger!"


	That's a good one, Hotpants! See? I like obscene perverted jokes as long as they're old and unoriginal. I have to leave, though. I'm needed in Washington.


	Nice to see you, doc. Welcome to the White House.


	Bill Clinton? But you're not president anymore. Why are you here?


	It's my new job to 'Lewinski' Dubya before all his important meetings.


	Sweet gig!


	I'll say! I saw your work on Gnomz and I wanted to talk to you about your potential and your future.


	You liked the way I kept trying to shame the sinners into worshipping me?


	No, damnit! I wanted to tell you to knock that shit off. You're wasting your life.


	But... but.... what would my life be if I stopped harassing the Gnomz community?


	Listen, doc. In my life, I've lied, cheated, stolen, and waged war, but whenever things start to look bad for me, I just hide behind the Bible. Now I think you have the potential to follow in my footsteps one day.


	Wow, yes! You're just like me! And you were a president. That means that I could be a president one day, too!


	Let's not be ridiculous. I also posses intelligence, charm, and sex appeal.


	Oh, that's right. I guess we're not all that similar after all. What did you mean by following in your footsteps, then?


	I'm talking about "smoking the presidential cigar," if you know what I mean. From what I've seen on Gnomz, I think you could be the biggest cocksucker in the whole world.


	Hmmm, I have always wanted to be in politics.


	I'm glad you agreed to this meeting, Doctor.


	Wow, George Bush! I know you from grouchobeer's comics!


	Yeah, hee hee! They're pretty funny.


	I don't understand them.


	Me neither, but sometimes there's a monkey in them.


	Hee hee. Monkey.


	I'll cut to the chase, Doctor. The job's no longer available.


	What? Why not?


	I got to readin' them comics of yours on that there Gnomz site.


	The president of America reads my comics?


	They're full of ass-backwards dyslexic non-sequiturs, spelling errors, inappropriate misquotes, and deliberate attempts at deception.


	Oh, so you don't like them?


	Like them? I love them! I've never related to anything so much in my life. If I were to take you away from Gnomz, I'd be doing a disservice to the war effort.


	The war in Iraq?


	The War of Justice, doc. I'm looking at a veteran of the War of Justice right now.


	He's right!


	It was foolish of Bill to call you away from that site when your presence there is so important.


	Aha! He must be part of the conspiracy!


	What conspiracy? Skull and Bones?


	No, the massive conspiracy to keep me from being acknowledged as the greatest comic writer of all time.


	Jumpin' jackasses! I'd better raise the terror alert! Who's in on this conspiracy? Saddam?


	Everyone on Gnomz is in on it except me and possibly two other guys.


	So one of the conspirators has got to be Saddam then, right?


	Or... I don't know... maybe they're all just one person with thousands of screen names staging an elaborate hoax for my sake.


	And that one person's name is... Saddam?


	I go back and forth with my theories, but one thing's certain: Anyone who won't admit that I'm the best is just jealous of me.


	How many enemies do you have, doc? As long as we've got them outnumbered and outgunned, I'll help you fight them.


	Oh, there are thousands, or, depending on which conspiracy theory is right, just one. One man who spends 372 hours a day on Gnomz voting under all those other names.


	Not that I doubt you, doc, but how could someone vote on more than one account when the website tracks every computer that connects to it?


	Magic.


	My God! You mean your enemies are practicing the occult arts?


	Well, obviously! I mean, you're either with me or you're with Satan, right?


	I like the way that sounds. You mind if I use it some time?


	You'd better not! I hate it when people plagiarize me!


	All right, all right. Tell you what, I'll bomb the Middle East, you flame the Gnomz crowd. Together we'll make all them sons 'o bitches pay!


	Great plan... but try to watch the language next time, okay?


	Go back to Gnomz, doc. The children need you. Think of the children!


	Yes! Once again my mission has been validated! Away to Gnomz now... FOR GREAT JUSTICE!


	Not fair, doc. Why do you always get to wear the cool costume?


	Quiet, Hotpants. We're supposed to be on the lookout for evildoers.


	It looks like they're just writing comics and talking to each other.


	Yes, exactly. They're paying attention to something other than me!


	ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!


	Um... I have to go now.


	How dare they not focus on me and me alone? I'm going to log in right now and set things straight.


	Attention, Gnomz: Everyone on this site is an idiot except for me. Agree with this statement immediately. Sieg heil!


	Fuck off, asshole. You're the idiot here, all right?


	You egomaniac! You're obsessed with me!


	How do you figure?


	Speak for yourself!


	What? That made no sense.


	Oh, what's the matter? Did I hit a raw nerve?


	What? When? What the hell are you talking about?


	Don't have a cow, man!*


	Okay... I'll make it a point to have no ...cows whatsoever.

*A doctorwho original!


	Oh, see? See? All you evil, foul-mouthed perverts are against me! Stop influencing children who are too young to understand what's going on! You should be banned from this site for being harassed by me! You know I'm right! Everyone knows I'm right! Lies make Baby Jesus cry! I'm leaving this site forever! I'm back! I'm going to raise an army of stupid children and destroy you! DESTROY YOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! !!Sieg heil! Sieg heil! Sieg heil!


	You will fail.


	Hee hee! I love how worked up you get! How can anyone be this upset about a cartoon comic site?


	Hey, where did he go?


	Am I being ignored?


	I knew he was obsessed with me!


	I've got to find that guy again. Even if it means spending the next four months stalking him in every forum thread and in the comment's sections on every comic on this site, I will get close to him once more.


	Wait... or should I spend that time learning how to write instead?


	Nah. I'll never run out of Simpsons episodes to plagiarize. And if anyone doesn't like my comics, I'll just attack them in the forums and give them all 0 ratings. Muwhahahaha!


	I love being right.


	Everyone wishes they were me.


	And yet...


	It's still not enough to drown out the memory of... what Daddy did.


	(sigh)


	I guess it's time to find myself another young boy.


	On the next Caramel Portions, the Doctor finds a new character to represent hmself: A pink bear with a rainbow on his naked chest.


	Hey, kids! Who wants to play with a furry?


	Fucking perverted weirdo!

To be continued..?

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comments


	Il faut être membre pour commenter et voter
	Note :


	i forgot to mention I LOVE THIS SERIES!!! the best so far!
	23. 30.12.05 at 01:07 \|cocoa


	i was surprised...this was really funny even though i kinda dont like reading that long of a comic..o well it turned out great so i gave it a 10!.. oh yeah and boinky33 u sort of offended me on ur last comment..i misspell all the time, and i like reading short comics, but i do agree that people dont have to give it a 0/10 for being too lazy to read it.
	22. 30.12.05 at 01:06 \|cocoa


	kick ass dude! you got it on the top 3! congrats!!!
	21. 22.10.05 at 23:13 \|pulse


	it rocks. out loud. if people dont read it cause its too long, they should die. cause this deserves the #1 spot. 10/10
	20. 22.10.05 at 16:39 \|pulse


	hahaha funny. 10/10
	19. 07.10.05 at 20:27 \|kabie


	brill 10/10
	18. 01.10.05 at 13:03 \|bennett123


	this comic was so pathetic if i were a judge id give it a o/10
	17. 30.09.05 at 09:29 \|Teganrox


	Bonjour, monseiur, love the comic (part francias, part English.)
	16. 25.09.05 at 11:19 \|blurd97


	What a comic! Glad to see people like you or Grouchobeer on this site! 10, and that's the less I can do...
	15. 12.09.05 at 03:39 \|DelaCraffe


	i like the series so far keep it up!
	14. 11.09.05 at 10:57 \|rosibella


	This comic rocks!!! its the best i've ever read! I'm giving it a 10/10!!!
	13. 11.09.05 at 03:24 \|gogoto


	Awesome comic!
	12. 09.09.05 at 23:16 \|FFXking


	What a world we live in where people dislike long comics and praise/create short, shitty comics that involve stolen quotes from popular tv shows and movies with bad spelling in it. If you're an idiot and don't want to read a comic that has more than 10 panels, just don't read it. But don't give it a 0 because you're stupid and can't read more than 20 seconds without taking a break! Sorry about that, but it made me angry....
	11. 08.09.05 at 08:55 \|boinky33


	holy shit thats long sorry but im not readin it must be good i guess ill give it an 8 just to be generous
	10. 08.09.05 at 04:59 \|cescobar2


	yeah damn that was too long so i vote 0/10
	9. 07.09.05 at 18:44 \|skullman101


	jaw drops damn
	8. 07.09.05 at 14:22 \|MasterHylian


	Two thumbs up here
	7. 07.09.05 at 13:17 \|hornydevil


	HA! HA! Holy shit, I love this comic! But I'm going to pretend I hate it and vote 0 for it, because that's the kinda guy I am! I'm clearly joking....10/10 You also gave me the idea for this comic: http://www.gnomz....
	6. 07.09.05 at 05:06 \|boinky33


	this comic is amazing i wish more comics could be as clever and funny as yours....
	5. 07.09.05 at 02:38 \|superspybob


	I'm speechless. This....was...awesom e!
	4. 07.09.05 at 02:29 \|DaWhiteMage


	Best ever! I'm going to go vote for this comic over and over from my PC under all my screen names.
	3. 07.09.05 at 01:07 \|grouchobeer


	W.O.W. This comic has left me impressed (length and subject matter). The hotpants reference is damned good, old chum.
	2. 07.09.05 at 00:08 \|thecaptainofo


	This is a work of fiction. Any resemblence to real people, situations, or mental problems is entirely coincidental. Not to be read by those who lack a sense of humor. Absolutely no offense intended toward gays, prudes, uncultured imperialist fools, the Irish, liers, thieves, troublemakers, obnoxious twits, Bible thumpers, dumbasses, Americans, politicians, Monica Lewinsky, cigar smokers, Democrats, Republicans, monkeys, the illiterate, the deluded, self-absorbd egomaniacs, those who discriminate against the young, Saddam Hussein, masked vigilante fetishists, disgruntled sidekicks, men with tiny penises, cowards, failures, the paranoid, the mentally retarded, Satan worshippers, Nazis, pedophiles, or furries. Dedicated to the former crew of the Discovery. Congratulations on settling back into your lives here on Earth. I wrote this about two weeks ago, but I was waiting for doctorwho to get down on all fours like the mangy dog he is and beg me to publish it. In the meantime, horneydevil beat me to the Bush/Monica/doctorwh o joke, so I'll give the credit for that one to her. See her comic here: http://www.gnomz....
	1. 06.09.05 at 22:53 \|Entropic_Catalyst

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