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Previous days

Willacoochie USA: private dick

by boinky33
8/10 136 pts / 17 Votes - 9 comments
It was a Tuesday night. I sat alone in my office, counting the cockroaches on my wall. I haven't had a case in months. If I didn't get some money soon, I'd be back on the streets in no time.

I was about to finish off my last bottle of brandy, then she walked in....
Hello?

She was the total image of beauty. She had gams that would make any man melt. I could sense fear in her voice....
Um....are you Max Johnson, the famous private eye?

"Yes," I said....
Well, I need you to solve a case for me.

She told me she needed my help solving a case....
What are you doing?

I then realized that I was narrarating out loud again. I stopped immediately....

How can I help you, miss?
Well, I went out this morning for some shopping, and when I went back home, I noticed my pearls were gone. These pearls belonged to my grandmother and are very valuable. Please, Mr. Johnson, I need you to find the thief!

I'll take the case, but it will cost you a pretty penny.
That's fine. Money is no object.

Yeah, maybe to you, bitch, I thought to myself....
WHAT?

Oh....was I doing it again?
Yes!

Sorry. It's a condition most detectives have.
Fine, fine. Just please bring my pearls back to me, Max.

Yeah, don't worry about it. I'll get right on it.

As she walked out, I couldn't help but notice the way her can wiggled as she walked....
YOU PIG!

Oops. My bad.

Later....
I arrived at the woman's street, looking for any suspicious characters.
I spotted a gang of teenagers and thought I'd go and ask them a few questions....

I went up to the leader of the gang. He looked tough, but I knew I could take him if I had to.
Huh? You talkin' to me?

Then he spotted me in his turf and wasn't very happy about it. I played it safe and kept my distance.
Hey! You mental or something, man?

He bacame more and more angry, so I decided to reach for my gun.
Don't you dare reach for your gun!

Hey, how did you know I was going to reach for my gun? Are you a psychic?
No, man! You've been sayin' what's been happenin' this whole time! You a crazy fool!

I have? Damn! This happens every time!

The coloured fellow had seemed to discover my weakness....
What? Enough of this shit! Come on, boys! Let's waste this bitch!

Later....

I lay dead in the middle of the street, thinking of how I could have approached the situation better....
The End
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comments
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Congrats on COTD
9. 23.08.07 at 13:01 |minimastar10/10
minimastar
very funny i said as i couldn't help but notice how ugly that guy looked when he was dead.
8. 14.12.06 at 15:20 |gatorbuc9910/10
gatorbuc99
I quickly scounted out the 10 on the pull-down bar, smashing the button and typing frantically, mispelling manny words as figners fleew acrosssa thw keyw board.
7. 22.09.06 at 03:01 |pulse10/10
pulse
Lol
6. 20.04.06 at 17:00 |CheGuevara10/10
CheGuevara
........i thought it was pretty good. why do all these people seem to hate you tho? lol.
5. 03.10.05 at 02:46 |kabie10/10
kabie
Hahaha, i've just changed my vote to 0 boinky33 to get you out the top 20 now that i hate you and think your a little cunt
4. 29.08.05 at 22:22 |rstarr0/10
rstarr
We're ALL boinky33's bitches, trippy. The sooner you realize it, the better.
3. 29.08.05 at 21:58 |Entropic_Catalyst10/10
Entropic_Catalyst
rstarr only said that because he's boinky33's bitch
2. 29.08.05 at 21:37 |trippy
trippy
Pretty Good. I give you 10. Very funny!
1. 29.08.05 at 21:12 |FFXking10/10
FFXking