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Previous days

Sanford & Son

by boinky33
8/10 111 pts / 14 Votes - 6 comments
Pop, I'm gonna go shoot some pool with Julio.
No you ain't, you big dummy!
You gotta mind the store while I head on down to the proctologist's to get my yearly colon cleansing!

Aw, pops, why do you even bother with that store anymore?
You should retire and spend the rest of your remaining days relaxing.
Oh, hush up, Lamont. I got plenty of days ahead of me to relax.
Now git to work!

Not today, pops!
The store is your responsibility, not mine!
One of these days I swear I'm gonna go out on my own!
Oh...oh no!
Here we go again!
You gave me another heart attack!

Come on, pops. I know you're just fakin' again.
Oooh, it's a big one!

I'm coming, Elizabeth, I'm coming!

Okay, you win!
I'll look after the store while you're at the doctor's!
Thank you, Lamont.

You're welcome.
And I just might stop by the bar to play some pool afterwards. Heh.

Bastard!

Heh, heh.
Proctologist's my ass!
I'm headin' down the the dog races!
That big dummy Lamont will believe anything I say....

Man, I don't even know why he needs me to look after the store anyway. It's not like we get any customers....

Hey, Lamont.

Hey there, Hoppy.
Aren't you supposed to be shooting pool with Julio?

Yeah, but pops made me take over the store while he went to see his proctologist.
Proctologist?
Well, I saw your father earlier and he was heading down to the race tracks.

What????

THAT LYING PIECE OF DOG SHIT!
I'LL KILL HIM!


Oh, those silly negroes!

Are the plans for tonight's seance ready?
Almost. All we need is a human sacrifice.
Meanwhile....
Who should we use?
How about that man over there?


Are you kidding?
He'll kick out asses!
No, not him.
I was pointing to that man.


Yes, very nice.
He will make a perfect sacrifice.
An old, bitter man who nobody cares about anymore.
I'll get the van started.

I must be very quiet so he doesn't see me sneaking up on him....
What is that big dummy doin' over there?

Uh oh! He spotted me!
I better knock him out!
AHHHHHH!!!!!!... ...
BONK!
Pops wasn't at the race track.
I wonder what happened to him....
Later....
Maybe that's him....
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Hello?

Lamont!
You gotta help me!
Pops?
Where are you?
What's wrong?

I've been kidnapped by some Satanic cult who wish to sacrifice me on behalf of their dark lord....
Sigh....again?

I'm serious this time, Lemont. These people are the real deal. They want to kill me and drink my blood!
Okay, okay....just calm down, pops. Give me the location.

I'm not sure cuz they blindfolded me. But I did manage to see a big sign with Superman on it....
Oh snap!
Here they come!
Gotta go....

Hey! What are you doing in here?
Back in the basement with you!
Yeah, whatever, you big dummy!

A sign with Superman on it....
Hmmmm....

I've got it!
The comic book store!

Don't worry, pops! I'm coming to rescue you!

udaki umbura ketak kuti onala hopola gradoo
udaki umbura ketak kuti onala hopola gradoo

And now is the time for the human sacrifice.
Hand me the ceremonial blade.
Yes, master.

Prepare to die, old man.
Please, you don't want to kill me and have my blood stain your nice carpet, would ya?

Stop! Don't you kill pops!
There is no stopping us now.
The prophecy must be fulfilled!

Well, before you kill my pops, show him your true form!
No! Get your hands off my robe!

Aha!
I knew it was you all along!
DAMN!

Hey....aren't you Dom Deluise?
Yes, you fool!
And I would of gotten away with everything, if it wasn't for your meddling kid!

Sorry I'm late, Lamont.
May I take it from here?
He's all yours, Hoppy.

You have the right to remain dead!
Aaaauuugghhhh!!! !!!
Bang! Bang! Bang!
We did it!
Not so fast!

What the....?
How can this be?
Hoppy shot you!
Mere bullets cannot harm me, for I am....

SATAN?
The one and only, baby!

I have gained enough power to survive on the surface world. Now I just need to kill this old man and then I can RULE THE WORLD!
HA! HA! HA!
Damn, I knew this was going to be a bad day.

Pops, this never would of happened to us if you'd just stop lying to me!
Don't blame me. I ain't no devil worshiper. I go to church every Sunday.

And besides, I got a plan.

Enough talk!
Time to die, old man!
You know, this reminds me of the time when me and Lamont went to visit old Grady Wilson. We had just got there when Lamont wanted to see Grady's dog. Well, the dog bit Lamont's balls and he had to be taken to the hospital....

Hours later....
....And so, Lamont learned a valuable lesson that day. And that is:
Watch your balls when petting a strange dog.
Now, in the second part of the story....

STOP THIS AT ONCE!

Augh! Damn you and your old man stories!
I can't rule up here if there's going to be people like you!
I am so outta here!
Don't hit your ass on the way out!

You did it, pops!
You annoyed the devil back to Hell!
I know I did, but I'd like to thank you for rescuing me, Lamont.
That took alot of guts.

Ain't nuttin' to it, pops. You would of done the same for me, right?
I sure would.

Really, pops?
No, of course not, you big dummy!
The End
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comments
NoteNote :   
great considering i like that show, but it was kinda weird
6. 10.04.06 at 17:21 |heartagram_66610/10
heartagram_666
Teganrox, how does it feel being a greasy whore?
5. 25.10.05 at 08:22 |boinky3310/10
boinky33
Stupid.....

4. 08.10.05 at 10:27 |Teganrox
Teganrox
yeh i agree. mwmt thats your avatars name koz that's what you sound like when you are blowing a sheep!
3. 11.09.05 at 10:16 |gnom0/10
gnom
are you kidding, that was awesome!
2. 10.09.05 at 16:16 |FFXking10/10
FFXking
stupid jut like an eposide
1. 10.09.05 at 14:42 |mwmt1/10
mwmt
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