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Previous days

Sherry's Christmas Rant

by pulse
7/10 80 pts / 12 Votes - 8 comments
IM BACK! Yes! Back from that fucking insane asylum with a full head of hair!! But that full head of hair might not last long. I have put together a list of things that piss me off around christmas time.You thought you could have a christmas time without any mean remarks or bad tidings from people? Well, apparantly you thought I wouldn't be back in time did you? I'm your female Fucking Scrooge! Lets get started...

Putting up christmas lights... oh boy, am I gonna air this topic out! Does anybody notice, how all your extension cords diappear somewhere between October and December? I swear, last July, I was in a sea of extension cords, now that I need them, of course, they FUCKING DISAPPEAR! WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU ALL GO?!?? Enough about cords, on to the actual lighting.

One thing I gotta say, we gotta get rid of all these fucking lights that you have to screw in! They used to make strips of christmas lights that you had to screw in each individually! And I apparantly WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW A FLAW WITH THE SCREW IN STRIPS! And after getting a year old, they all get faulty! You screw one light in, 5 dont work, you fix those 5, 3 fuck up, you fix 2 of those 3, they all go out. its like holy shit! Just fucking stay in for three minutes! JESUS CHRIST!!! Then the electric bill! You know the ones Im talking about. You only light up like 3 strips to light up your door and stuff. Normally your bill is like 250 a month. You open up that bill in january. 3000 dollars. three thousand FUCKING dollars. for three fucking strips!!! I'd expect that for the Taj Mahal christmas lights, not that fucking pansy ass lighting!!!

Okay, we gotta keep this rolling. Next problem. Christmas Cards. What. The. Fuck. First of all, why is it that in all the christmas cards I get have their kid on them? All these people send pictures of their babies, not thinking I might want a FAMILY photo?? Aren't christmas cards suposed to be 'greetings' from their collective families. Not " hello, look at my butt ugly fucking baby" !!! And sending them too. holy god. I learn, every christmas. that people can't give out their address properly. I swear, this is a true story. I asked my sister for her address. She tells me "it's 4, Rancid rd. In baliegh, NY, 11454." I say "are you positve?" "yes, Im positive" I send my card to that exact same address. I swear, three days later, I get a card saying "Dear Sherry, Thanks for the tidings. However, ill am coming to get you on the eve of christmas. Lock your back door. Sincerely, The boogeyman" I fucking swear. I ask my sister about it, shes like "where did you send it? "exactly what you told me!" shes like "no, my address is 56 mortage ave in seldwen NY, 11784" HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!! But don't worry, shes getting hate mail this year.

Its just gonna be a black card that says "Dear Margeret. Fuck you. Enclosed are maggots. From, Sherry"

Now, onto Santa claus. Do we really expect our kids to believe some fat guy in a big red suit is supposed to climb down our chimneys to leave some gifts underneath an evergreen in our living rooms? I didn't. cause of a bunch of reasons. One, He'd need a lot of lubrication to get through those chimneys, and there isn't enough room on that sleigh. two, You think this guy has enough kindness in his heart to overlook your thousand dollar jewlery collection, electronics and mementos and actually leave crap there? I didn't. three. This guy is a pedophile. He doesnt just ask kids for wishes, he makes them sit on his thick fucking lap. Then he hugs them and takes a photo of them, that he most likely masturbates to after the photo op. Would any parent allow a pedophile to climb into their house? No. I didn't think so either. Four, This guys a frickin nazi! He doesn't overlook the jewish houses because they don't celebrate christmas, Isn't he supposed to be kind enough to stop on top of the house with the menorah in the window? pfff, fucking nazi. So Santa, you pedophile nazi fuck, if you even think about Lubricating your fat ass to slither down my chimney, I'll be waiting there with a glock and a bottle of pharaphit and I will shoot you and set your ass on fire!!! FUCKING DIE SANTA YOU NAZI PERVERT PRICK!

Some other things to skim over that piss me THE FUCK OFF. Hangovers, the 8 months of bills, In-laws(ugh!) , People Caroling, Most of which are dumb shits like Jacob here


that sing off key. Those Christmas Specials, which every series in the world have made at least once, And Shopping. You all know how god awfull it is, and theres nothing I can say about it that you don't Already know.
Howdy!!

And for those of you who celebrate Hanukkah And Kwanzah, Don't feel left out. I hate your holidays Just as much as I hate Christmas.

Well, thats my holiday rant this year. Apart from all the crap I mentioned, try to enjoy the rest of the holiday cheer. Now ask yourself, Was Rod Serling secretly a Schitophrenic? Goodbye everyone, and happy holidays, from your Female Scrooge

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comments
NoteNote :   
I wish there was a point system like newgrounds, so noobs cant run over and lower your Average just because they dislike profanity.
8. 07.09.06 at 00:31 |pulse10/10
pulse
cool
7. 27.06.06 at 17:23 |MontyPythonMan10/10
MontyPythonMan
omg! everything here is true!..i feel the same way..10/10
6. 06.03.06 at 07:39 |cocoa10/10
cocoa
i hated it all there was to much swearing it take it down a noge or maybe ten

5. 16.01.06 at 10:06 |imcharmed0/10
imcharmed
Muahahah...
4. 13.12.05 at 13:43 |Halo_2_Rox10/10
Halo_2_Rox
Yeehaw! Sherry`s back and kickin` ass!
3. 10.12.05 at 03:17 |Entropic_Catalyst10/10
Entropic_Catalyst
A Work of God. I thought that the Santa part was the best, really. Yeah, and when the dudes are dressed as Santa in the malls how come they let little children sit on their laps? You know, if those child molesters like the kid they have they'll take them and molest them. Bastards.
2. 09.12.05 at 21:51 |Halo_2_Rox10/10
Halo_2_Rox
Terrific.
1. 09.12.05 at 03:55 |grouchobeer0/10
grouchobeer
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